


The Inconsistency of Nothingness

by icycas



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Angst, Anxiety, Band Fic, Bassist George, Broken Families, Childhood Friends, Coming of Age, Drummer Sapnap, F/M, Fights, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Guitarist Dream, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, M/M, NSFW, Non-Graphic Violence, Passionate Sex, Singer Dream, Slurs, Smut, Wholesome, dtao3, sometimes :)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:48:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 18,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25458064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icycas/pseuds/icycas
Summary: The Dream Team is an up-and-coming band with many devoted fans. The three boys are longtime friends who are beloved by many for their chemistry and history together. The stars glimmer in front of their fans, but even starlight can be obscured by clouds.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Nick | Sapnap & Original Character, Nick | Sapnap/Original Character, Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF) & Original Character(s), Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)/Original Character(s), dreamnotfound - Relationship, gream - Relationship
Comments: 147
Kudos: 824
Collections: MCYT, greatdnf





	1. If You Want To

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: Please don't read this if you're uncomfortable with this pairing being written about explicitly. This story is entirely fiction, but these are real people. Please don't harass anyone in this fic about pairings or their sexuality – I recognize that Dream and George are both straight; this is just self indulgence. If either of them ever state that this type of content makes them uncomfortable, I will delete my work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter's song: https://soundcloud.com/6rame6/if-you-want-to-beabadoobee-slowed?in=icycas/sets/tion

“Come on, the fans are waiting for you guys! Get out there and give them a show!” Bad yelled past the screaming fans to the group. “You got this! Come on, get up there!”

As Nick passed Bad to get on stage, Nick patted Bad on the shoulder. “Thanks bud. Best manager in the world, I swear!” Bad beamed at Nick’s compliment.

“I couldn’t agree more,” Dream smiled as he made his way up the stage as well.

George joined the other two by jumping on the stage, “Well here goes nothing!”

* * *

As the three walked from backstage onto the main stage, the fans were screaming. George looked out into the crowd, and felt his breath pick up. Crowds always make him nervous. George stood with his bass a little stunned while watching Nick go grab his drumsticks as the crew was setting up some more equipment. As Clay was making his way to his guitar and mic, he noticed that George seemed a little out of it.

“Hey buddy, don’t be nervous. They’ll love you no matter what,” the blonde man smiled to George.

George snapped out of it and watched as Clay began to walk to the mic.

“How is everyone doing tonight?!” The crowd began yelling at unbelievable volumes.

“Well you already know who we are. Who are we??!!” Clay grabbed the mic off the stand and walked to the edge of the stage, putting his hand up to his ear to encourage the crowd to be louder.

“THE DREAM TEAM!” The crowd collectively yelled.

George watched as Clay as he was playing a couple of warm up chords to test his bass. Damn, Clay is a natural at this. He’s confident, charming, and even George can admit that he’s attractive. The warm yellow lights hitting against Clay’s face, the beads of sweat starting to form from the heat rolling down his neck, and his dirty blonde hair shining – George was awe struck at Clay’s beauty.

“Okay how about we get this show started?!” Nick said into his mic as he tossed his drumsticks in the air and caught them with finesse.

> _If you wanna take me_
> 
> _Go ahead and try my head_
> 
> _Experience is nothing compared to_
> 
> _The sleep paralysis in my bed_
> 
> _If you wanna love me_
> 
> _Try to get inside my brain…_

Clay slowly dragged his hand from the mic stand up to the mic and gripped the it with two hands as he closed his eyes and performed the song. He wrote the song about his ex girlfriend, and Clay has always hated that this was their most popular song. He admitted this one night to George, and the British bastard laughed at him. George had told him nonchalantly that meanings aren’t stagnant and they can change to whatever you want. “Hell, you can even apply the song to me if you like! It doesn’t matter, Dream. Just because you originally wrote it about her doesn’t mean you can’t change the meaning to apply it to something else.” Clay remembered how surprised at that answer he was as he stared back at George with wide eyes, who was just playing a game on his phone unbothered. Whenever Clay sings this song now, all he can think about is his best friend’s words.

> _Cause if you want, you could stay with me in my bed_
> 
> _If you want to, only if you want to_
> 
> _If you want, you could go ahead and fix my head_
> 
> _If you want to, only if you want to…_

Nick pressed on the petal to hit on the bass drum while bobbing his head to the rhythm of the song. Playing drums on stage with his two best friends just felt so natural, and he loved the rush of being in front of the crowd. He always changed up his playing each performance slightly to keep things interesting, and his friends couldn’t have agreed more. He felt that having slightly different live performances than the studio versions always meant more to the people cheering them on. Nick gripped his sticks tighter and he hit on the accent notes. Every time he did a cool move (tossing his drumstick, had a cool solo, etc), he’d look into the front row and see how his girlfriend stood there proudly smiling up at him. The sight never failed to pull at his heartstrings and boost his vigor to try harder to impress her.

> _Use some pesticides and throw it in my brain_
> 
> _If you want to, only if you want to_
> 
> _Bed bugs keep me up at night and I'm going insane_
> 
> _If they try to, only if they try to_

George watched as Clay dragged out the last note with his eyes closed and brows scrunched up. Whenever Clay performed any songs, he always _felt_ it, and anyone watching him could see how passionate he was about what he did. It was one of the main reasons why George joined the band. When the three of them were hanging out one day, Clay had mentioned how it was his dream to start a band. Nick had asked Clay if he could sing at all, which caused Clay to prove he could by performing to them a song he was writing. Watching Clay sing and play his guitar with such passion inspired both Nick and George to help set into action Clay’s dream. Nick already knew how to play the drums, but George had never touched an instrument since middle school.

George remembered when him and Clay were talking about all the different instruments that George could try to learn, and when George groaned that he would never be able to master any instrument in time for them to perform, Clay had picked up his old bass and handed it to George.

“Come on, we aren’t gonna get anywhere with that attitude.” Clay said as he handed the bass to George. “I’ll teach you, but you’re gonna have to want to learn.”

George reluctantly took the instrument into his hand. The shape and weight felt foreign to him and he didn’t know how to position it. Clay had chuckled at him and made a statement about how he looked like a baby deer walking for the first time. George had snapped back at him to shut up, and Clay had come up to him and adjusted the bass to the correct position. Clay brought George’s hands up to the correct fingerings to play a G chord, and George remembered feeling the calluses on Clay’s rough hands. Clay had been practicing his guitar and Nick his drums every day for the past month trying to make more songs, and in that moment, George felt bad for all his bitching. He forgot how hard they were both working for this dream. After the lesson with Clay that day, George went home and spent hours trying to understand the new instrument he was gifted. Clay had let him keep that bass, and George has played it on stage ever since.

* * *

As they finished up the setlist, they all grabbed their towels to wipe the sweat off. They approached the front of the stage to thank all their fans for coming to see them, then exited to the backstage.

“You guys did great as always!” Bad said as he walked them to the dressing rooms to unwind.

Clay looked frustrated. “I messed up some of the chords during the performance. If we didn’t have an extra instrumental track playing in the back, it would have been so obvious.”

“Hey bud, it doesn’t matter! They still loved us and it doesn’t take away from the overall performance!” Nick said as he tried to cheer up his friend.

“I’m sure there were some people who did notice. God, if only I didn’t mess that up,” Clay looked away annoyed.

George was never the best at cheering up his friend because he never knew what to say. He’d usually just support Clay by making him laugh. As they’ve gotten bigger and their songs becoming more popular, Clay has been getting progressively more hard on himself. He constantly got hung up on little mistakes and wouldn’t let it go. George and Nick always tried their best to support him through it, but his negativity was starting to have a toll on them as well. When they were smaller, they’d play for fun in Clay’s room; they didn’t care if they messed up or not, because every time they were together, it just felt like they were just having fun while hanging out. Even during their smaller performances, where they could literally count the amount of people in the room, they still had fun vibing with the fans who decided to come support them.

As Clay was preoccupied with his thoughts in the changing room, Nick pulled George aside. “Ever since his breakup and we finally got on radio, Clay’s been really out of it… Bro, you know how much he hates talking about his feelings. What are we supposed to do?” Nick asked, concerned.

George hated seeing his friends like this. “I’ll talk to him, Nick. I hate seeing him like this too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every chapter will have either a song that is directly referenced in the work or one that I felt fit the mood of the chapter. I'll always link the song, but I've also created a playlist. I'll be uploading songs on there in order of the chapters. If you track the playlist, you might be able to guess what kind of mood the next chapter is gonna be before I even post it!
> 
> Playlist: https://soundcloud.com/icycas/sets/tion


	2. I Dare You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place when George is around sophmore year of college.
> 
> Chapter’s song: https://soundcloud.com/regrettesmusic/i-dare-you?in=icycas/sets/tion

Fuck it was cold, George thought to himself as he waited for Clay to answer the door. “Clay!! Open the fucking door, I’m freezing my ass off out here!” George called out while stuffing his hands between his arms. The cold winter air being sucked into his lungs, along with being at Clay’s house reminded him of the day the four of them came up with the band’s name. The memory had George smiling to himself.

* * *

“Okay, okay, okay… how about… The Three Muffintears?” Bad suggested while lying on Clay’s hardwood floor. Everyone in the room collectively groaned.

“Bad, that’s awful and you know it,” Clay said as he was flipping through a music magazine. “Look guys, we need a name where people will take us seriously. Like…” Clay flipped through the magazine, “here, look. We need something like ‘ACDC’ or ‘Nirvana;’ we need something iconic!” Clay said as he held up a spread of Kurt Cobain screaming into a microphone.

“Well at least we already have our stage names,” George said as he picked up the other magazine next to Clay.

“Actually George, _we_ already have our stage names. _You_ don’t,” Nick said as he was chewing on a Red Vine while laying on Clay’s couch.

“Nothing feels right. I’ll just be ‘George,’” the brunette shrugged.

“That doesn’t sound cool at all,” Nick said under his breath as he grabbed another Red Vine.

George snapped back, “OkAy, and PANDAS backwards is somehow cooler??”

“Well at least I’m being original! How weird is it gonna be when we’re in interviews and they’re all like,” Nick sat up and did his best customer service smile and voice, “why hello there Sapnap, Bad, Dream, and…. GEORGE.”

Dream laughed, “hey, let’s not make fun of George’s name. Also we don’t even know how big we’ll be, or if we’ll ever even get an interview.”

“Oh come on, you guys are great! You all practice so hard, and you already have like five songs ready to go!” Bad said encouragingly. “Why don’t you just be ‘The Dream Team?’”

All of their eyes went wide. “Oh Bad, you just redeemed yourself for that shitty name earlier! That sounds so cool!” Nick said excitedly.

“Wait… That’s actually genius! Because it’s our dream to be a band together!” Dream said scribbling down notes in his notebook.

“Yes! That’s exactly what I was thinking! Totally not that just because you’re the leader and we’re a team...” Bad trailed off.

“Well what are we waiting for, Dream Team?” George said as he stood up beaming, “let’s go practice!”

After hours of practicing, all of the boys were drained. Bad had left after hour 2 of them practicing their first almost-to-be album. They were all laying on the floor, sweating.

“I’m hungry,” Nick said.

“I second that notion,” George said as his stomach grumbled.

Clay sat up, “alright, I get it. Everyone pile into my car.”

“SHOTGUN,” the other two boys yelled as they shot up in record speed to run to Clay’s garage.

“Nick, you idiot! I’m older! Get out of the way!” George yelled as he tried to push the younger boy out of the door frame that they were both fighting to get through. “Did you just fucking bite my arm???” George yelled horrified.

“I could literally step on you, George! You’re tiny!” Nick said as he resorted to any means necessary to get the front seat.

Clay walked up behind them and pushed them both in. “Guys! Stop being childish! Just flip a freakin coin or something!” he said as he opened the diver’s side door. Before Nick was able to come up with some excuse as to why he was entitled to the front seat, George had already climbed in and locked the door. “HAHA, you’re just too slow. Maybe if you had more street smarts rather than book smarts, you would have thought of this!”

Nick vigorously pulled at the passenger door, trying to pry it open. “JOKES ON YOU, I DON’T HAVE EITHER!”

Clay rolled his eyes, “NICK JUST GET IN THE CAR FOR FUCKS SAKE,” he yelled as he turned on the ignition.

“Where are we going,” Clay asked the other two.

“I want McDonalds,” George responded as he rested his head against the cold window.

“George, you already got shotgun. I get to pick food. I want Wendy’s. A frosty sounds so good right now,” Nick said as he let out a sexual moan at the end of his sentence. Both of them laughed in disgust.

“Okay, we’re going to Wendy’s as long as you never do that again,” Clay laughed out.

As they parked in the virtually empty parking lot, Clay breathed in the crisp night air. Clay has always been a night owl, and one of the reasons was because of how quiet and peaceful life was after 9 PM. He let out a breath from his mouth and watched it vaporize in the cold air.

“Come on, I’m freezing my ass out here,” George said, shivering.

As they walked in, Nick walked up to the counter shooting finger guns like he was in a bad 90s movie. “Hey there hot stuff, I’ll have my usual,” Nick said as he winked. George and Clay both groaned in unison and covered their faces to pretend they weren’t with the giant idiot ordering.

The teenage girl looked at Nick blankly and emotionless before responding, “I’ve literally never seen you come in here once,” she answered flatly.

Nick’s face began to match the shade of his maroon shirt as he grew more embarrassed. Clay and George, on the other hand, were struggling to breathe behind him.

Nick’s face was burning up. “It’s.. uh.. my usual is a frosty with a homestyle chicken sandwich and a side of fries.”

“Nick, that was the most embarrassing shit I have ever seen in my life!” Dream cried out as he let out his dad laugh.

“Shut up, dumbass. She might hear you,” Nick said in a hushed voice, peaking behind his shoulder at the girl before finding a booth at the end of the restaurant.

“Hear us saying what? I’m pretty sure she’s thinking the same thing,” George said giggling. “I can’t believe she didn’t recognize you, dude! You come here like every week! Now THAT’S embarrassing.”

“Whatever, just forget about it. She’s just playing hard to get,” Nick said as he leaned out of the booth like an excited puppy to peak at her again. She was on her phone, back against the wall next to the register.

“Number 42,” She called out as she grabbed the tray and put it next to the register. Nick got up to retrieve his order.

“Hey, ummm.. Sorry about earlier,” Nick said as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “I was being kind of an ass.”  
The girl looked the blonde boy up and down then laughed, which caused Nick to look at her with wide eyes. How stupid did he look right now? Was there something in his teeth?

“You were kind of being an ass… but I was just playing with you. Of course I recognize you, you come here every week!” She smiled, “the name’s Mei, by the way.”

Nick lit up. “Mei…” he said as he tried the name on his tongue. “I’m Nick.”

“Well, I’ll see you around, Nick,” she said as she handed him his tray.

For the next hour, Nick was excitedly talking about the girl at the counter while they ate.

“So what about you,” Clay asked George as they watched Nick go into his house.

“What about me?” George asked confused.

Clay turned to him and wiggled his eyebrows like a dumbass and imitated his best British accent, “anyone who tickles you fancy?”

George laughed. “No, not really.”

“Are you serious? What about that one girl who threw herself at you during the party?” Clay asked he pulled out of Nick’s driveway.

“I just wasn’t interested in her,” George responded. “Besides, what’s it to you?” George asked lightheartedly.

“Oh come on, we’re friends. This is just like, guy talk. Don’t you ever just…” Clay turned to George as he made a lewd gesture with his hands near his crotch.

George burst out laughing as he rolled his eyes at the childish action, “you’re such an idiot. Don’t do that again. Besides, unlike someone, I can get off just fine on my own,” George retorted.

Clay feigned hurt, “Ouch.”

“You know it’s true. Every time you need to get off while your single, you go fuck any girl with a pretty face. And when you’re with someone, all you can talk about is how good she is. You’re like an unneutered dog, seriously.” George said smiling while taking jabs at the American boy. “Anyways, how is your girl?”

“Well, the sex is GREAT,” Clay purposely started off.

George laughed at how he had walked right into Clay’s trap.

* * *

As George was reminiscing about the fond memory that took place a few years ago, he heard the door click unlock as Clay opened the door.

“What’s up?”


	3. Death Cup

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter’s Song: https://soundcloud.com/shark-town/death-cup?in=icycas/sets/tion

As George made his way into Clay’s house, he realized how long it’s been since he’s been here. They’ve all been so busy lately with concerts and gigs that they haven’t had any time to hang out outside of performing. Of course being able to work with your best friends was a dream, but seeing Clay in his casual clothes and the vanilla bean candle he always burns reminded George of a time when those sights were more familiar.

Clay made his way to the couch and picked up his guitar that was resting on the stand near the coffee table. “Why the sudden visit?” Clay asked as he lightly strummed some chords.

“What, I can’t visit my best friend?” George smiled as he sat on the seat across from Clay.

“It’s just that we haven’t done this in so long… the two of us hanging out here, I mean,” the taller boy responded as he continued to focus on his guitar neck.

“It’s been a while hasn’t it.” George paused and took a deep breath as he prepared himself to talk to Clay about what’s been happening.

“Oh, please don’t say something cheesy,” Clay laughed lightly after hearing George’s deep intake of breath. “You’re gonna say something along the lines of, ‘how have you been lately?’ super awkwardly because you hate talking about this type of stuff too,” Clay said as he looked up from his guitar.

George blushed in embarrassment at being so easy to read. Nothing got past Clay, especially with George. “You got me. But seriously Clay, Nick and I are just worried. You’ve gotten a lot more defensive and hard on yourself lately.” George said as he nervously picked at his nails.

“When did we get so serious? Come on George, you know better than anyone that I’ll get over it,” Clay deflected.

George, wanting to change the subject, looked up and asked gently, “What was that you were playing before I came in?”

Clay, looking back down at the strings, started playing again, “it wasn’t anything special. Just something in the works.”

“Wanna play some for me?” George asked. Clay obliged by playing off the chords softly.

“I’d love to.”

> _I think it's 'bout time_
> 
> _That I warned you I might cry in front of you_
> 
> _And I don't want you to feel_
> 
> _Like I'm afraid of the truth_

It was obvious Clay had not gotten over the breakup fully yet. Clay had met his ex girlfriend at a party when they were still in high school. It wasn’t anything special; it was just ‘some random hookup’ as Clay described it at the time. What surprised Nick and George was when he brought her over one time during practice and introduced her as his girlfriend. From the beginning, George intensely disliked her, but it wasn’t until three months into their relationship that he actually had a valid reason why. She was gorgeous and was described by whispered gossips to be a girl who could turn straight girls gay, and gay boys straight. The entire time they were together, George just felt like she had been stealing his best friend away from him. He also felt like she just wasn’t right for Clay, he just needed someone else.

She always hung around with other guys and claimed they were just friends; when Clay would question her intention, she would deflect and chalk it up to jealousy. There were times when people would whisper in hushed voices that they saw her making moves on or feeling someone up during a party. George always tried his best to keep Clay away from these rumors, because even though he couldn’t stand the bitch, he still knew that his best friend really loved the girl and didn’t want to see him hurt. If Clay knew about the rumors, he certainly didn’t humor them at all. He adored her.

> _So what's the point of talking_
> 
> _If you're not changing your mind?_
> 
> _It just reminds me of the lying_
> 
> _And it's wasting my time_

Every single day, you could find the new couple hanging out. Nick and George started to drift away from Clay. Their biweekly practices kept getting pushed back, and the other two boys were annoyed at how Clay was treating the people who actually loved him. That was the first time George had ever seen Nick get angry at Clay.

“She’s not your best friend, Clay! We are! I didn’t just abandon you guys when I started dating Mei!” Nick said with frustration.

“You guys are over-reacting! I’m not abandoning you! Seriously, why are you two so upset that I’m finally happy for once and seeing someone?” Clay responded, equally frustrated. George froze during the entire confrontation. He didn’t know what he could do to make the shitty situation better, and he felt like if he said anything at all, he’d fuck up and say something stupid.

“Clay, don’t forget that it was _your_ dream to start a band, so be a little more fucking committed. We care about you a lot and know you — more than her — but we won’t be stepped all over,” Nick raised his voice.

Clay stepped closer to Nick and all George could do was watch as he was shackled in his body. “Don’t act like I forced you to do this, and you don’t know me like Jesse does.”

“YEAH? I DON’T KNOW YOU? WELL AT LEAST I DON’T FUCK PEOPLE BEHIND YOUR BACK LIKE JESSE,” Nick yelled, and George could see the instant regret on Nick’s face as he said those words. Before George could even turn to see Clay’s reaction, Nick was cradling the left side of his face.

“Don’t ever fucking lie about my girlfriend like that,” Clay whispered angrily as he grabbed Nick’s shirt collar. Blood was starting to drip from Nick’s nose onto his blue shirt and onto Clay’s hand. George felt himself start shaking violently and tears well up in his eyes. When he went to open his mouth, nothing came out. He had never felt more pathetic in his entire life than in that moment. He felt so useless, and he hated himself for it. If he had just said something, grabbed them, done _anything_ , this wouldn’t have escalated.

“You’re fucked up Clay,” Nick said in a shaky voice. Clay threw Nick to the ground and stormed off. Clay didn’t talk to them for a few months after that.

> _What do you want me to say_
> 
> _When I can't tell you the truth?_
> 
> _Please, tell me how the fuck_
> 
> _I'm supposed to deal with losing you_

It was that one day Clay had tried to surprise her on their 2 year anniversary that he had walked in on her fucking some random guy. Based on what Clay had told them afterwards, he “had never seen so much blood on his hands before.” The kid’s nose was apparently broken and Clay had punched out a tooth. Thankfully, Jesse had called the cops before Clay could kill the kid. That was the day the three of them finally talked since the fight. George had never seen Clay look so broken. As he was walked out by an officer in the station, George was shocked at how different the friend standing in front of him was to the memory of his friend 3 months ago. Clay’s knuckles were completely raw and the skin was scraped, he had a black eye, and he a complete emptiness possessed his eyes. The sight scared George, but he didn’t know if he was afraid of what Clay had become, or scared _for_ Clay.

“You’re lucky you have friends that care about you enough to bail you out,” the officer said as he unlocked the handcuffs. Clay just looked away.

“Clay…” George said as he walked up closer to his friend. Nick must have been equally shocked because he didn’t say anything. The drive back was silent. When they got in Clay’s house, Nick burst out crying and hugged Clay. George remembered how stunned Clay looked. Nick was known to be sappy, but he never cried in front of others.

“Don’t ever leave us like that again, you fucking idiot,” Nick said as tears streamed down his face. George felt a wetness drip from his face, and when he went to feel what it was, he realized he was crying too. Those months of missing his best friend and worrying about him had finally spilled out in that moment. He walked over and joined Nick in the hug as he hiccuped from crying.

“I’m so sorry guys,” Clay said as his eyes welled up. “Nick, you were right, I fucked up so bad.” They never really went into depth about how Clay was doing in those months they didn’t talk. The only summary they ever got was about when he caught Jesse cheating and the fight.

> _It wasn't worth it to me_
> 
> _To wait around and then see_
> 
> _All my love was well spent_
> 
> _My night-time hikes and weekends_
> 
> _You were my best friend_
> 
> _I didn't want it to end_

It’s been three months since their breakup and it was obvious that some part of Clay still loved Jesse. It hurt George to see his usually headstrong friend so caught up on someone who didn’t matter. George had never really been in love, so he couldn’t understand how someone could be so stuck up on trash for that long.

“So how was that,” Clay asked as he put down the guitar.

“It was really good. You never disappoint with your songs,” George said, still unsure of how to go about talking about the touchy subject.

“Look, I know you’re not gonna leave until I tell you I’m alright, so I’ll just say it. I’m alright!” Clay said. “I’m just stressed because we’ve been getting busier, and the label called last week about submitting our album, but we still haven’t started censoring it for the radio version. That’s it, I promise.”

George mustered up the courage, “It’s not just that, Clay. You’re really hard on yourself, and you’ve been so snappy lately. When you or us make a mistake, you get so hung up on it. It’s all you can talk about for like twenty minutes.” George paused and thought about what to say next. “I know you think you don’t have anyone to talk to, but you have us. We have fun and stuff, but we still care about you at the end of the day. You promised us after the fight that you’d be more honest with us.”

Clay sighed deeply. “My parents tried calling me again two weeks ago.”

“Oh...” George said as he now understood why Clay was so irritable lately. Clay had a terrible relationship with his parents and moved out as soon as he was able to get a job.

“Yeah… There’s nothing new to talk about, George. It’s just the same thing.”

George bit his lip, “Well, do you want to talk about it again?”

“No, not really George. Listen, I’m really tired. I’m glad you could come over today, but I wanna go to bed.”

George got up, knowing that he made no progress with his friend. “Clay, seriously, it’s not your fault. Don’t get hung up on it, okay?”

Clay chuckled, “I know, I know. You’ll beat my ass to the high heavens if I start hiding anything. George, I’ll try to lighten up, I promise,” Clay said as he held out his hand to George with his pinky extended.

“You’re an idiot,” George smiled as he pinky promised Clay. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“See you tomorrow,” Clay smiled back.


	4. Grow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter’s song: https://soundcloud.com/hoax_band/grow-1?in=icycas/sets/tion

“And here we are with the fastest rising band in America, The Dream Team! Thank you so much for joining us today,” the interviewer smiled into the camera.

Dream smiled back. “Thank you so much for having us!”

They spent the next ten minutes or so answering the basic questions. So how did you come up with your band name? How did you all meet? Tell me about your next album. They were all questions that they expected going into it; it was obvious from the moment walking in that no one in the interview room actually knew or cared about who they were. They probably looked up all their names ten minutes before they walked in, and were only interviewing them because they were starting to show up in the charts. It wasn’t until the interviewer decided to prod them about their love lives that the interview took a sour turn.

“So are all you bachelors single,” the blonde woman asked as she leaned forward. It was a standard question with bands, and they all knew that it was coming.

“I’m currently seeing someone,” Nick answered.

“Dream and I are single,” George smiled.

“Really? Because there’s rumors going around that Dream is known to be the playboy of the group.” Nick looked over to Clay and could see that he was getting visibly uncomfortable for a split second, but he quickly recovered and put on his mask.

“Haha, well I don’t know about that,” Clay answered as he composed himself. He knew getting into this business that it wasn’t going to be easy, and he needed to keep up his image for the cameras. He needed to do well in this interview for the group.

“I mean, there’s thousands of girls who throw themselves at you guys in a heartbeat, surely you’re not completely off the market.”

There was a pause as the band thought of how to respond. Nick decided to jump in, “well, we’re really busy making music so we don’t have too much time for relationships. Even with my girlfriend it’s difficult to keep a steady relationship with her due to how busy I am.”

The interviewer kept pressing. “So does that mean you guys would be open to date fans? The people want to know!”

“I mean there’s always the possibility…” Dream trailed off. “I must say that we have a lot of beautiful fans,” Dream winked at the camera. He knew how to play the cards in his favor. This business depended on fan service, and he knew how to deliver.

George winced at Clay’s response. “I don’t think I would ever date a fan.”

“Oh? Why not?” the interviewer asked as she acted dramatically surprised.

“It’s just that it’s a little odd since it’s not an even playing ground. There’s a power imbalance,” George said, jabbing at Clay’s response a bit.

“Oh, that’s too bad! I’m sure there are girls lining up outside the studio to get with you! Anyways, there’s kind of a joke amongst your fans that Clay and George have a lot of chemistry together. How do you two feel about Gream?”

Clay laughed, “we’re just really good friends. We don’t mind that fans ship us together, but we’re both straight.”

“What about you, George? Have you ever had any feelings for Clay?”

George blushed. He couldn’t deny that his best friend was very attractive, but Clay has been his best friend since they were kids. There was no way he felt anything towards him. “No, we’re just friends.”

“Let’s go into our next segment, the most retweeted tweet under out post asking for questions was by user greamlover. They asked if George could kiss Dream on the cheek.” George’s face heated up, “umm, I don’t know if I can do that.”

Clay, completely unfazed, laughed. “He’s just too shy to show his love to me in public,” he joked. Clay got up and quickly grabbed the side of George’s face and kissed the side of his face. “Sorry it’s not exactly what you asked for, but it was close!” George was completely flustered now, mouth agape as he dramatically wiped at where Clay had kissed. “Dream!”

“Oh my! Anyways, thank you guys so much for joining us here today!” she closed.

* * *

In the car, all George could think about was his friend pressing his soft lips against his skin. Just playing the memory back embarrassed George. How could he be so casual with stuff like that? Clay would always joke about how much he loved George, and how he’s ‘such a cutie,’ but George always got so pink at even the mention of love. Clay was always so open with his affection, or possibly feigned affection, that it flustered George. George could never tell if his friend’s acts of affection stemmed from a place of genuineness or just to poke at George.

Since they were kids, Clay had taken pleasure in teasing George relentlessly. But Clay’s boldness and inability to give a fuck about what others thought about him was what drew George to him in the first place. Back in England, George got relentlessly tortured for being “too sissy,” as those little British bastard school boys used to say to him. This lasted all the way to middle school, and the only reason it ended was because George’s mother got a job opportunity in America.

Starting out a new life wasn’t as difficult as people had always described it. To the little British boy just starting middle school, it was exactly what he needed. He didn’t expect to make friends right away (or even at all if American kids were as brutal as British kids), but surprisingly, his American peers adored him. They all loved his accent and they would all line up to talk with George and ask about his life in England.

Like all the other kids, a dirty blonde haired boy with emerald green eyes and sun kissed freckles also took an interest in him. The kid would always jokingly tease George on his accent, and would constantly ask George to join him to play baseball. One day, George gave in to the boy’s request and joined him to play baseball (a game he didn’t have experience playing back in England). The boy was patient and made George laugh the entire time while teaching him.

“Come on! I even gave you the stupid ball stand that only girls use!” Clay said as he walked up to the smaller boy. “You’re supposed to stand shoulder width apart, and grip the thing like it’s… it’s.. I don’t know! You get the idea. Just hold it really tight. When you swing, think of the energy from the Earth just, like, zooming into your arm. Then give it your hardest swing!”

“Okay, okay, I got this,” George said as he reassured himself.

“You got this,” Dream confirmed.

George took a deep breath and closed his eyes as he gripped the bat with enough strength to start shaking, and then he imagined all the energy from the ground traveling from his feet up to his hands. He took another breath, and then…. HIT! As he slowly opened his eyes, he saw that he completely missed the ball and even the stand. He literally didn’t hit anything. George was dumbfounded at how terrible he was. Maybe… he should have opened his eyes to see where he was hitting….

“Well, if you were trying to hit the air, you hit it out of the ball park,” Clay said as he trying his best to keep calm and not burst out laughing.

“WeLL-“ George started before his voice cracked. He immediately covered his mouth and his face started burning up with embarrassment. At that, Clay started crying from laughter. George, still completely flustered, was groaning and trying to find the quickest way to just bury himself.

“Oh man, you brits, are you all this funny,” Clay said between his breaths as he was trying to regain composure.

Seeing the American boy find such joy from George was starting to entertain George. George smiled, “nope, that’s just me.”

“HAH, good one, George,” Clay said as he was now collapsed on the floor laughing. George had to admit that Clay’s laugh was incredibly contagious, he even felt the embarrassment dissipate as he began to laugh with Clay.

Hanging out with Clay and the other American kids made George happy, and he finally thought he had found a community. The rumors didn’t really come back until one of the popular girls started taking an interest in George. One of the hyper masculine boys had gotten jealous that the new frail British kid was able to steal the most beautiful girl in their grade, and he began to spread the rumors that George was already too familiar with.

“I heard he’s gay,” George heard the boys whisper.

“Yeah, he once told me he had a boyfriend in England,” one of them snickered.

George, although still hurt by the comments, was relatively unfazed. What he _was_ afraid of was that these rumors would be credible enough for the other kids to turn on him and alienate him. He didn’t want to go back to being lonely and looked down upon. Unfortunately, the rumors eventually got around. When Clay told George that he heard about the rumors, George’s heart sunk. He was really starting to consider Clay his friend, and he didn’t want to lose him. Before George could ask if Clay hated him, Clay climbed on top of the benches in the cafeteria during lunch. All heads turned to him.

“Clay you get down from there right now!” One of the on duty teachers yelled from across the room as she power walked over to the blonde boy.

“Listen up everyone! I know you’ve heard the rumors that are being spread about George from those dumbasses sitting over there,” Dream pointed a finger at the jock who sat absolutely dumbfounded. “If you seriously believe Alex, who got held back for two years, then you’re just as dumb as him. And you should seriously be embarrassed, like seriously, that’s so embarrassing. And Alex and all his little dumbass friends,” Clay said as he faced them, gleaming, “I made out with your girlfriend while you were still with her!” The entire cafeteria erupted with laughing, shouting, and clapping. George had never seen so many middle schoolers collectively losing their shit.

“CLAY! GO TO THE PRINCIPALS OFFICE RIGHT THIS INSTANT!”

“Gladly,” Clay said as he got down from the table, shot George a wink, and walked out.

George, looking up to Clay the entire time, was awe-struck. His sheer recklessness and conviction stirred something within George. He felt like he was looking at someone who ascended beyond humans; he felt like he was looking into the sun. To this day, George still can’t pinpoint the emotion he felt that day. Was it admiration? No, something stronger than that… Inspiration? Possibly… Gratefulness? Definitely, but that wasn’t all. George was convinced he discovered an emotion undiscovered by humans.

* * *

“Bad, seriously? What is this booking? Why do we have a recording after this interview?” Nick asked looking at their schedule. George snapped out of his thoughts.

“They wouldn’t do the interview at any other time, and the recording was set in stone since last month,” Bad shrugged.

Just as Clay was starting to get comfortable in his chair, he got a phone call. When he checked the caller ID, he tensed. “It’s my dad,” he sighed as he pressed decline and shoved his phone back in his pocket. The other boys looked nervously at each other.


	5. Everything to Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: this chapter contains scenes of abuse and the use of slurs. 
> 
> Chapter's song: https://soundcloud.com/revflame/afraid-the-neighbourhood-slowed?in=icycas/sets/tion

“Clay, I think they’re finally ready to talk. Maybe just give them a chance,” Nick tried.

“I just… I don’t think _I’m_ ready to forgive,” Clay said softly. Clay always felt vulnerable talking about his feelings, but he knew he needed to do it for the sake of his friends. He promised he would.

“It’s okay to not want to forgive, but I think you should at least listen to what they have to say,” George said carefully. “What they did was really fucked up, and you have every right to still be upset.”

Clay sighed. “Every time I see their contact pop on my phone, I feel so angry. I hate that I am stuck with that memory,” Dream sighed. “There’s not much I can do about that now.” Dream said as the van pulled up to their studio. He hopped out of the car, and the three other boys followed behind him silently.

The recording went smoothly as always, but the mood in the air was a little dreary from the talk earlier. After they finished, they all went their separate ways to go and cool off from the hard work. As George walked up to the vending machine to grab a soda, he saw Nick sitting at the bench cradling a sprite. He looked deep in thought.

“Hey dude, what’s on your mind,” George asked as he popped the quarters into the machine.

Nick looked up. “Do you think Clay’s parents hated him?”

“No way, why would they try reaching out to him if they did?” George grabbed his soda and sat down next to Nick.

“No, I mean… Did they hate him when they kicked him out? How can you do that to your own kid unless you hated them? I mean, let’s be real. If your kid was skipping school, sure you’d be pissed, but how the fuck could you just throw them out onto the street. He was 15 at the time, he was still a kid.”

“I- I don’t know, Nick. I really don’t know.”

Clay did not live an easy life, but then again, his naturally rebellious and stubborn nature didn’t really help. His parents weren’t very wealthy, but they were able to live well enough. Both of his parents worked to make a living so that Dream would be able to attend college. His parents both had humble jobs, but they expected Clay to do well in school and constantly stressed the importance of studying something lucrative enough to bring in the big bucks. His dad had an expensive habit of drinking, and often spent his paycheck on drinks. The only problem was that Clay hated going to school. George remembered how Clay would constantly “use the bathroom” during class to just fuck around outside.

Once Clay made it to high school, he completely stopped going to classes as an act of defiance. He would run to his little spot in the small town that only George knew about. The spot was about a mile walk from Clay’s house, and it was nearly impossible to find. Off of the main road, there was a small dirt path that lead into their town’s park, and running along the path were these lush bushes that acted as fences. When Clay was in middle school, he somehow found a spot in the bushes where they weren’t as dense, and behind the bushes was an area overrun with greenery that expanded beyond. It must have been the part of the park that the developers just couldn’t be bothered to clear out due to the surface area, so they just decided to fence it off. Chances were, if Clay was ever missing, you could find him in that spot. After George would finish school, the fifteen year old would always ask him to come to the spot with him. There, they’d just talk about their day, catch up on shows, and Clay would play to him some of the songs he was writing.

Clay’s parents kept yelling at him to go to school, and one day, they got in a big enough fight that his parents just kicked him out. Based on Clay’s account, they had enough of Clay’s defiance and told him that they never wanted to see again until he stopped focusing on “dumb music shit that will get you nowhere,” and instead focus on school.

George still remembers the day Dream got kicked out. It was a dreary Spring day; Fall was slowly demanding to be heard. It was warm, but the onslaught of rain made it a cold day. George had just got home from school, and while his dad pulled back out from the driveway to run errands, George saw a soaking wet Clay sitting at the dining table with his mother hugging him with a towel. The taller boy’s eyes were an angry red from excessive crying beforehand.

George dropped his bag at the door and walked over to the two, “Hey… What’s wrong?” George asked concerned. Clay doesn’t cry. He’s never cried, and made it a point to seem detached at times.

“I- I got in a fight with my parents.” Clay turned away from his friend, he hated when people saw him get emotional. “I didn’t know where else to go,” Clay said softly.

“Clay, sweetie, you’re welcome here for as long as you like.” George’s mom knelt down to look at the sitting boy before drying his hair gently with the towel. “George, honey, go grab Clay some of your spare clothes, and make him some hot chocolate.”

As George went to his room to grab some of his more comfortable clothes, he could hear the muffled voices of the two talking.

“You don’t have to tell me what happened, but sometimes it helps to talk to someone,” George heard his mom say.

“I told them I wanted to quit school to go into music, and they said that it was a stupid dream. I was telling that they were being selfish to force their own dream onto me, and that I would never go back to school if they didn’t let me play guitar. There was some other stuff… but they eventually said that they never wanted to see me again,” Clay finished as George walked out to go into the kitchen. “I.. I have no one. I’ve never had anyone, it’s always just been me, but why do I feel like I’m actually alone now?” Clay looked down at his lap, defeated.

“No, you don’t. Don’t ever say that Clay. Hey, look at me,” George’s mom cradled the small boy’s face as she looked him in the eye. “You are family to us. You were always there for George no matter what, and we have always been grateful for you. Ever since George met you, he has been the happiest and most excited I have ever seen him. George never admits it, but I know that whenever he’s with you and when he talks about you… He talks about you with so much love”

Clay had never heard such intensity and conviction in someone’s words. The gentle reassurance from George’s mom had Clay burst out crying as he shoved his face in his hands to try and hide himself.

A few days later, George’s mom went to Clay’s house to help him get his belongings and talk with his parents. She helped Clay set up an extra bed in George’s room, and treated him like family until he got a full-time job and was able to move out.

“I don’t think a parent can ever truly hate their children. I think that a parent can be so messed up that they convince themselves that they are in the right and that they are just teaching them a lesson,” George thought carefully.

Nick nodded his head in agreement at George’s statement as he took a swig of his soda.

Just as they finished the conversation, Clay had walked out from the room next to the vending machine. “You guys ready to head back?”

The three were walking into the parking lot, and as Nick popped his trunk to put in his drum equipment, Clay walked up to George. “Need a ride?” Clay smiled, “you know, you’ve been living here for like… a long time now, you should really get your license.” He laughed as he got in the drivers seat.

“Yeah, yeah, stop nagging me,” George rolled his eyes while getting into the passenger seat.

“See you guys later!” Bad said excitedly as he hopped in his car and waved at the three boys.

“Bye Bad,” the three collectively said as they piled into their cars.

George had invited Clay in to relax from the ride and treat him to some snacks. Sitting on the couch, Clay was twiddling his thumbs waiting for George to come back with the food. As George made his way to the living room with snacks and two cups of coffee, he noticed Clay was zoned out.

“I lied back then,” Clay said suddenly. George looked at his friend in confusion. What did he mean?

“I head you guys talking… I didn’t get kicked out back then. I ran away.” George looked at him with surprise; where was he going with this?

“We did have that fight before, but they never actually forced me to move out. I ran away because we had a different argument.” Clay sighed deeply while remembering the event.

“What the hell is this?” Clay’s dad yelled while grabbing the scribbled note. Clay had just come back home to his old man drinking, and when he was about to back out the door, his dad had grabbed him by the arm.

“It’s just a stupid note some kid wrote,” Clay tried to answer calmly.

“‘Your boyfriend is just as stupid as you.’ You have a boyfriend now?” his dad slurred. “Don’t even try to give me excuses. I have a useless son, and now I find out he’s a fag?” Clay inhaled sharply at the slur.

“Don’t think I didn’t hear the rumors about you and George from other parents. You know how fuckin embarrassing it was to sit there and have them gossip about you two dating?” His dad said as he threw the note to the side.

“They’re just dumb rumors,” Clay said with as much calmness as he could muster up.

“I don’t care what they are. I never want to see that sissy boy in this house or around you again. You started skipping school the moment he moved into this town. I bet he’s the reason why you started skipping school. That British fag-“

“Don’t say that about him.”

“That. British. Faggo-“ before his dad could finish Clay cut him off.

“What gives you the right? George has always been there for me! You two… You two couldn’t give a shit what I do unless it has to do with money or school. That’s all you two fucking care about. Money and school. George has always accepted me for who I am, and tried to make me be better. George means everything to me and you can never take that away!” Clay said as he tried to hold back whatever tears were threatening to spill from the mix of emotions running through him.

“You wanna go live with your dumbass boyfriend so bad? You want that perfect family so bad? Go have it then, I don't care!”

“Why did you lie back then? I wouldn’t have gotten angry or anything, Clay.”

“I don’t know… I- just didn’t want to make things weird between us. I didn’t think I could tell you,” Clay said with his eyes fixed on the coffee George had brought him.

George was still really confused on what Clay meant. There’s no way Clay would have thought George would have been hurt by what his father had said about him, so how would it have made things weird.

“Was it… because he accused us of being gay? You know better than anyone it doesn’t matter, even if you are,” George said.

“I’m not gay George, and you know that,” Clay scoffed. George was shocked at the defensive tone Clay was using. He was usually very open with his teasing with George and egged on their relationship to the fans, so for him to be suddenly defensive with his sexuality was unusually out of character.

“What was _that?_ ” George asked shooting Clay a questioning look.

“I’m not fucking gay, George.”

“No, seriously, what’s going on with you?” George asked now turning to face Clay.

Clay looked regretful. “Fuck... I didn't mean... Just forget what I said.”


	6. Afraid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter's song: https://soundcloud.com/user-33590647/radiohead-creep-slowed?in=icycas/sets/tion

Before performing, each of the boys had their own ritual that they did to prepare. George was tuning his bass and was running through the notes of each song in his head.

Clay usually tried to get his head off of performing until it was time. He was currently talking with Bad about the setlist and trying to see if they could switch around the songs last minute.

Nick was setting up his earpiece and taping up his drum sticks while listening back to a few of their songs, focused on remembering the performance. After running through the playlist a couple times, he turned off his mp3 player and walked up his girlfriend who was using her phone across from him.

Mei looked up and smiled, “I can’t believe you still use that thing,” she giggled, reaching for the mp3 player.

Nick pulled it away at the last second and feigned hurt, “hey, for your information, this thing is a _piece_ of history. Plus you know I can’t bear to part with it.”

Mei laughed. “That thing is practically older than the dinosaurs. Anyways, how do you feel right now?”

“Well now that I have the most wonderful girl by my side, I’m on top of the moon,” Nick said lovingly.

“Hmmm I’m pretty sure that’s not the saying. But, nonetheless, I’m glad to be here with you~,” she said as she got up to kiss her boyfriend on the cheek.

“EWW you guys are being nasty,” Clay said as he fake gagged at the lovey dovey couple.

“Don’t be sour Clay, you have George after all,” Mei responded playfully.

George winced at the comment, remembering the conversation Clay and him had a few days ago. George never told Nick or Mei about it, so he didn’t blame them for not knowing, but he just wished that the the boys’ relationship wasn’t the topic of discussion right now.

“Backstage in five! You’re up in fifteen!” Bad yelled into the room.

* * *

After they finished performing, they only had about thirty minutes to change and clean up before they needed to go to the meet and greet. Because they have been becoming more popular, Bad thought it would be a good idea to try and do meet and greets to help boost their sales and reputation among fans. They all changed into new clothes; it wasn’t anything flashy, but they all wore their most put together casual clothes.

As they were sitting in their own booths to greet fans, security started to guide the VIP fans into a line to have a chance to talk with each of them. The meet and greet was going fine, they got to meet a lot of their dedicated fans and make them happy. When George went to glance over at the shortening line, he saw that the last girl was waiting excitedly. From the looks of it, Clay was her favorite member if her “DREAM” crop top that barely covered her chest was anything to go by. George was too far to hear what they were talking about, but as security asked her to move on, he saw her slip something to Clay. When she finished with Nick and George they wrapped up the event and started to head out.

“See you guys next time! You all did great!” Mei said as she was making her way out with Nick.

As George was putting away his bass, he realized that Clay had left behind his phone. He picked it up and started looking for him around backstage and ran into Bad who was finishing up his checklist.

“Hey Bad, have you seen Clay anywhere? He left his phone behind.”

Bad thought for a second, “Hmm, Oh yeah! I saw him go through the door that leads to the ally. Kinda weird, I thought he might be going for a smoke or something…”

George started heading to the back door as he thought he would probably find Clay just getting fresh air. What he didn’t expect when he opened the door was to find Clay pressing the same fan from earlier up against the wall as they were making out. George was stunned, and then felt a wave of anger crash into him. He went up to the two and grabbed Clay off of the girl.

George mustered as much civility as he could as he politely looked at the fan, “I’m really sorry about that, I hope you have a safe trip back.” George, still grabbing Clay, threw him back through the door.

“Clay, what the hell was that?!” George almost yelled in anger.

“What the fuck do you mean? I was just making out with her,” Clay said with frustration.

“No, Clay. You can fuck around when you go to bars, but you don’t fuck FANS.”

“What’s your deal, dude? You’re acting like I fucking assaulted her, _she_ asked me to meet her.”

“Do you not even realize the position you’re in? Even if she asked you to fuck her, you need to have some responsibility. You’re not Clay to them, you’re Dream, the rockstar, the icon. It’s so beyond me that you thought that you’re on an equal playing ground with her.”

“Who I stick my dick in isn’t any of your fucking business. Why are you getting so worked up over this shit?” Clay asked exasperated at George’s sudden outburst. This behavior was out of character for George, which made Clay even more annoyed. George usually just minded his own business.

“It _is_ my fucking business when it’s _our_ fan. It’s my fucking business when you can single-handedly ruin our reputation if she goes to tabloids telling them how Dream had felt her up,” George explained frustrated.

“Who gives a shit?” Clay stuck a finger against George’s chest as he took a step towards the smaller boy, “if you’re jealous, just fucking say it,” Clay sneered as he looked down demeaningly at George.

George froze for a moment at the direct confrontation, but quickly recovered and slapped his friend’s hand off of him. “Save it, Clay. Don’t try and project that jealousy onto me when you’re the one who got butthurt at me asking if you were gay. If you’re gay, just fucking say it,” George imitated Clay’s tone. “I mean, seriously, did you have a crush on me or something? Why did you get so pissy and defensive back there over nothing?” Clay’s smirk fell off his face as he grabbed George by the collar of his shirt. Maybe George was poking at a sleeping bear, but in the moment, George was so annoyed that it felt good to piss Clay off.

“What? Are you going to hit me?” George laughed weakly as he tensed.

“You know what, you’re not worth it,” Clay said as he roughly let go with disgust on his face. The blonde turned around to walk away before he scoffed out, “blow me.”

The look Clay shot George had pissed him off even more. Clay had looked at him as if he was lower than trash. George, still not letting up, decided to get the last punch in. “You’d like that wouldn’t you? Or am I just so fucking disgusting that the thought of being with me made you grossed out?” George laughed out, but a part of him believed what he had said.

Clay whipped around to push George against the brick wall out of anger. “What’s your fucking deal?”

Their faces were inches from touching, and the tension between the two was stirring something within George. George grabbed at Clay’s black T-shirt and pulled him closer as he clashed their lips together with anger. Clay was completely stunned, but he couldn’t resist the feeling of the plush lips against his and eventually gave into the kiss. The kiss was all teeth as their tongues intertwined roughly. George bit at Clay’s lip hard enough to draw some blood, causing Clay to grunt. Suddenly, Clay pushed George off of him. George looked at how disheveled Clay looked. His lip was bleeding slightly and the blush that covered his face and ears almost matched the shade of the blood coating his lip.

A wave of regret flooded George. Did he just singlehandedly ruin a friendship? He searched for Clay’s face for any sign of a response, but he just found shock.

“Clay- I-“ George tried to get out.

“No… That… That was a mistake,” Clay said just as stunned as George when he wiped the blood from his mouth. He turned to walk off, leaving George alone in the room with his thoughts.

George slid against the wall and sat on the floor defeated. He felt tears slip down his cheeks and drip into his hands. _I just fucked everything up, I fucked everything up because I’m so fucking selfish_ , George thought to himself as he buried his head in his hands. He felt so shameful.

_Why the fuck did I do that? We’re just friends._

George had never had any urge to be with anyone, so why did he feel different with Clay in that moment? For years, George thought something was wrong with himself because he just couldn’t care about sex or finding a partner, and now that he finally had the urge to do _something_ , it felt so wrong.

_This isn’t how this is supposed to go._


	7. Creep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter’s song: https://soundcloud.com/user-33590647/radiohead-creep-slowed?in=icycas/sets/tion

In a haze, George stumbled into the club. He felt so lost in the moment that the only thing he could think to do after the incident with Clay was to drink his pain away. He walked up to the bar and the bartender immediately understood the situation based on the glum look painted on George’s face.

“I’ll take a beer,” George said emotionless.

“Buddy, I think you’re gonna need something stronger than a beer. I’ll get a shot ready for you,” the bartender responded with sympathy. As the man prepared the drink, George absentmindedly scrolled through his photos. His album was filled with pictures of himself and all his friends. It was dumb photos of Nick, Bad, Mei, and…. Clay. _Years of a great friendship ended in a few seconds_ , George thought bitterly.

The bartender handed George his shot and George downed it in one go. The intense burn down his throat had never been a more welcome feeling.

As George ordered his third shot, a stranger came and sat next to him. “I’ll have a dry martini,” he ordered. “You look like you need someone to talk to,” the man smiled kindly at George. George sized him up. He was decently attractive by conventional beauty standards. He looked like he worked out a moderate amount based on his T-shirt hugging his arms, he had light freckles that scattered around his nose and cheeks, dirty blonde hair, and ocean blue eyes. The sight of the man had George’s heart sink; at a glance, he could easily be mistaken as Clay.

“I… Just fucked up a great friendship,” George looked down at his empty glass as he teased the rim of the cup with his index finger.

The man took a sip of his drink before starting, “what do you mean?”

“I made a move and I guess it wasn’t mutual,” George groaned as he put his head in his hands again.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. Listen, that guy must be a real idiot to let go of a catch like you,” the man offered.

George was one drink away from getting drunk and doing something he would regret, so he took the man’s hands that were holding his dry martini and guided it to his own mouth as he seductively held eye contact while downing it. George was already in this deep, he might as well just fuck a stranger to forget today while he was at it.

The man understood what George was implying, and after he put down the now empty glass, he kissed George’s pliant lips. George’s mind was fuzzy enough to pretend that the lips on his own were another’s. The man’s rough hand caressing the side of his face reminded George of Clay’s calloused fingertips when he guided George’s hands to strum the chords of his bass. Maybe George was just touch deprived, but he melted into the kiss pretending it was a certain green eyed boy. The stranger deepened the kiss before pulling away.

“My place or yours?”

“Yours,” George replied shortly.

The moment they stepped into the man’s house, they were all over each other. The larger man had grabbed George to hold him close as he kissed him passionately. George stumbled into the man’s grasp, still wobbly from the alcohol infecting his system. As the stranger started to guide George to his room, he also began to slowly strip George of his shirt. The man kissed along George’s chest as he pulled George onto the bed. Just as George was about to strip the man of his shirt, George’s phone went off in his pocket. He hastily grabbed it without looking at the contact and clicked decline before throwing it aside.

Clay sat on his couch, still stunned by what had happened back at the venue. Clay lightly brushed his fingertips against his lips; he could still feel the ghost of his best friend’s lips on his own. The American boy reflected on his own thoughts and tried to understand how he was feeling, but everything in his mind felt like a scrambled alphabet soup. There were so many emotions and thoughts that he couldn’t discern any of them. Clay groaned as he threw his head back in exasperation. What he _did_ know was that he felt shitty just leaving George there like that. George would always be Clay’s best friend, and he didn’t want one dumb mistake to jeopardize that. Clay needed George to know that even if he reciprocate George’s feelings for him, they would always be best friends. Clay took a deep breath to prepare himself before picking up his phone to call George. He heard him pick up.

“Who’s that?” Clay heard a foreign voice say.

“Doesn’t matter,” Clay recognized the British accent to be his friend’s. _George must have thought that he clicked decline_ , Clay thought to himself. Clay couldn’t help but feel a little hurt that his friend was trying to ignore him, but he also couldn’t deny that the incident must have been really hard for him.

As Clay decided to eavesdrop to try and see if they would talk about the situation, Clay’s blood ran cold. He heard the sounds of moaning and kisses against skin. _What was George doing?_

“Fuck, can I put it in?” the other man asked. Clay swiftly hung up the call. After the call ended, Clay felt his chest twist, contort, and drop all at once. If he thought that his thoughts were a mess before, they were now practically impossible to sort though. His mind was running at a million miles per hour, trying to tell himself that he must had misinterpreted the situation. Clay felt himself grow angrier the more he thought about the call, but he didn’t know exactly why.

George had never shown interest in anyone, let alone a man, so why did he run off to have sex with some random man? Maybe George saw Clay to be a quick fuck, and didn’t mean anything by the kiss? No, that’s not who George is. Clay groaned. _Where did this all go wrong?_

Clay thought back to when they were kids. What _was_ it back then that drew the dirty blonde to the brunette? Was it the way the boy’s eyes would crinkle as he smiled? The way he would dramatically react to everything? His habit of wearing his heart so openly on his sleeve? Back then, all Clay knew was that he needed to be friends with the new kid. Clay’s thoughts drifted to the fight they had, and all he could hear was the echo of his father’s words.

_I have a useless son, and now I find out he’s a fag?_

Clay clenched his teeth in anger.

_That British fag._

_No, he’s wrong_ , Clay thought to himself. _We’re just confused_. _That must be it, there’s been a lot of tension recently, our emotions are just all over the place._

George purposely made sure that the two of them were not facing each other while doing it. This was a one night stand, there was no need to be intimate or pretend that it was anything more than that. As the man slowly pushed his length into George, George buried his head in the sheets. The alcohol impairing his system was making the pleasure feel so much more intense, and that combined with the thought of Clay pushing his member in caused George to moan out. The shots definitely weren’t helping him get his mind off the kiss or his friend, and he couldn’t help that his thoughts kept slipping to the depths of his deepest desire. It felt so wrong to use he man as a mirage of the emerald eyed boy, but the pleasure of pretending it was him made George so much more needy. George knew he would regret this in the morning, but right now, he needed this.

With each thrust, the brunette was getting closer to the edge. George imagined Clay above him, sweaty after they both finished a set, fucking in the changing room. Clay would probably be rough, biting and kissing along the back of George’s neck as he would thrust in to his George’s sweet spot. The air in the room would be heavy as they both passionately intertwined, breathing heavily as they chased their orgasms.

At one particularly hard trust, George came thinking about his best friend holding him while he spilled in him. George buried his face in the bed as he gave a muffled moan of his friend’s name.


	8. People Change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter’s song: https://soundcloud.com/iamsagun/people-change-feat-the-ktna?in=icycas/sets/tion

The weeks that followed the event were awkward and conversations were strained. Thankfully, the boys were on a hiatus to try and write more songs and prepare for their next album, so all of them were usually just relaxing at home. Currently, George was scribbling in his notebook where we jotted down some lyrics that came to his head. Although Nick and George were more skilled in composing over songwriting, the two would sometimes dabble in writing lyrics. George sat on his bed, strumming random chords on the guitar. Recently, he’d been trying to expand his skills by learning more instruments. He’d gotten comfortable with playing guitar relatively quickly, and would try to practice at least one a day.

While mindlessly strumming, George thought back to the one night stand. All he could feel was immense shame at the memory. If Clay ever found out, he’d probably be disgusted with George; he probably would hate him. Clay had been the only thing on his mind for the past weeks, and it hasn’t been helping him creatively at all. Every single line of every single song was filled with traces of the blonde boy. George strummed the first chord and sighed. He wasn’t the most confident in his singing, but nevertheless, he enjoyed trying when he was alone.

> _Here I go again_
> 
> _Love’s a loosing hand_
> 
> _Lost my only friend_
> 
> _Here I go again_

George contemplated the next lines before he sighed and continued.

> _I never wanted to be alone_
> 
> _With these thoughts in my head now_
> 
> _With my pain and my thoughts now_
> 
> _I guess I’ve done myself again_
> 
> _I’ve royally fucked it up_
> 
> _If love is a loosing bet,_
> 
> _Then I’ve royally fucked it up_

Everything recently felt like it’s all been falling apart, and George couldn’t stand it. He just wished things could go back to when they just started out. He wished that he didn’t kiss Clay, he wished that- George stopped himself. _This is how things are now. I can’t change that._ This was the mantra he repeated to himself every day, but lately, it’s been getting a lot less meaningful. George strummed one last chord.

> _Don’t you know it’s fucked up without you,_
> 
> _Every single song is about you._

George laid the guitar on it’s stand and plopped down in his bed, defeated. It was beginning to get harder and harder for George to feel motivated to do anything at all. Even though they band’s success was only growing with each day, it felt like the group was slipping away from each other each second, and George was convinced it was all his fault.

After much deliberation and time alone with his thoughts after the incident two weeks ago, George had come to the conclusion that he did indeed have feelings for Clay. In the beginning, George had convinced himself that it was just frustration, but as the thoughts of the kiss persisted, George had to come to terms with the truth. He was in love with Clay. However, George had no idea where the feelings started. Was it the day they met? The kiss? George had no idea, but it was clear that the kiss was a catalyst to these thoughts.

 _I’ve really outdone myself this time, falling in love with my straight best friend_ , George thought to himself bitterly laughing.

Unfortunately, the band had to meet up today in the studio to go over their progress, and George just didn’t know if he could handle seeing Clay, let alone seeing Clay actively trying to avoid George. The boy ran his hair through his dark mahogany hair before getting up to get dressed.

* * *

Yep, that was just as awkward as George expected. No eye contact, no joking around, and no friendly skinship. As the boys prepared to head out, George opened the door to get out as fast as he could. He was not trying to stay behind and have Nick press on about why they were being so strange today. However, just as George opened the door, there was a flood of people with cameras surrounding the exit. George froze, completely confused on what was happening.

“GEORGE, GEORGE CAN WE GET A COMMENT?” one of the people in the crowd yelled, pushing to get to the front.

“Wha- what’s happening?” George asked, face construing with concern as his heart rate started to pick up.

“WHAT HAPPENED AFTER THIS PHOTO?”

“A COMMENT, GEORGE, WHAT HAPPENED THAT NIGHT.”

“GEORGE, ARE YOU GAY?”

George felt the color in his face drain. The British boy started to hyperventilate, unable to move, unable to respond, as he struggled to breathe. What were they talking about?

“THE PHOTO GEORGE,” a man in the crowd yelled out while holding a print out of George making out with the man from the bar. George stared blankly at the photo, completely frozen. George didn’t know what to do as the crowd started to corner him; he felt like he was about to collapse from the lack of air getting to him. Just as he felt his vision get dizzy, he felt someone grab him from behind. George, now back inside the building, could see that Clay was the one who shoved him back in. Clay had blocked the entrance to the building, preventing the cameras from seeing George inside.

“Excuse me, we’re not taking comments right now, we’re just trying to leave,” Clay boomed out into the crowd, stifling the anger threatening to spill. He knew that he couldn’t fully explode in anger or else he would hear it from Bad about “bad PR.” As Clay was now also being bombarded with questions, Nick came running to the door, realizing what was happening.

Nick came up behind Clay, “I got this bud, take care of George.” Dream nodded. Nick was by far the best at handling himself in front of the cameras, as he had the best temperament out of them and was just generally likable. As Nick shut the door behind him to talk with the crowd, Dream knelt down to George who had collapsed on the floor, clutching his chest as he tried to catch his breath.

“Hey, hey, George, I need you to look at me,” Clay said as put his hand on his shoulder, trying to steady the smaller boy. George, feeling tears well up from the mix of emotions, tried to turn away to hide his face from Clay. George knew that he must have looked so pathetic in that moment, and he didn’t want Clay’s pity. Clay gripped George’s shoulder harder, trying to turn the British boy to face him, but George weakly tried to push him away.

“Just.. go away,” George struggled out between his rapid breathing. George turned to hide his face. Everything that had been going on recently—all the anger, frustration, sadness—was finally catching up to George. He was now completely overwhelmed, and the only thing he could do was break down and let it all out.

Clay grabbed George’s face, cradling the crying boy between both of his hands to try to get him to make eye contact. “George, you need to breathe, you’re hyperventilating. We can talk about our shit later, but right now, I need you to focus.”

“‘Our shit?’ What does that mean? I’m _like this_ because of ‘our shit,’ George laughed out sarcastically in a shaky voice.

“Let’s not talk about this right now, okay? You’re overwhelmed. I don’t want us to talk like this and regret saying something later,” Clay tried.

“Yeah, just like last time, right? It seems like whenever we talk, we always do or say shit we regret.”

Clay looked at George with an unreadable expression. “Do you regret kissing me?” Clay asked quietly.

“I don’t know anymore! I don’t know anything! If you hate me, just say it. I can’t take this anymore, Clay. I can’t take going to bed every day, trying to lie myself my life isn’t falling apart! I feel like everyone is slipping away from me every second, and it’s all my fault. I feel like you hate me; I feel like if you knew the real me, you’d run so far away,” George babbled as he started crying again.

Clay grabbed the boy, hugging him close. “George… George, I could never hate you. How could you think that? No matter what, you’ll always be my best friend.”

George hiccuped from the tears, “the pho- the photo… I-“

Clay cut him off, “it’s okay, George, you don’t need to explain yourself to me.”

“No, I need to say this so you know the truth. That night, I slept with that guy because he looked like you.” Clay pulled away from the hug, steadying George with his hands on his shoulders while staring at him with disbelief. George tightly shut his eyes, afraid of seeing the disgust on Clay’s face.

“I- I…” Clay started.

“I’m disgusting, I know. Haha, you know your dad was right back then. I’m just a stupid fag,” George laughed as he wiped the tears from his face and tried to get up.

“No, George, wait..” Clay tried to hold George down.

“No, Clay. You don’t need to pretend to-“

Clay cut George off by pulling his face towards his own, kissing him deeply.


	9. Kilby Girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter’s song: https://soundcloud.com/user-587539191/kilby-girl?in=icycas/sets/tion

Mei gently pet through Nick’s hair as his head rested on her lap. He was currently focused on watching a playback video of their latest concert. Clay insists that they all watch the videos back to try and see what they can improve on, and Nick found that the suggestion had actually been really useful for him. The drummer often liked to perform new tricks to spice things up, and it helped to see what worked and what didn’t.

“Ooohh, that looked cool! I remember watching you do it live and I was impressed,” the raven haired girl smiled.

Nick looked up, “really?” Nick sat up, rewatching the part.

“Hey, come on, let’s take a break. It’s one week until our anniversary,” Mei said as she walked over to the kitchen. “You remember the day you asked me out?” she laughed out.

Nick groaned, “how could I forget.”

* * *

Before Nick opened the door to the Wendy’s, he took a deep breath. _I’m hot shit, I’m like.. Really cool, and she’s totally into me_ , the bearded boy said to himself, attempting to boost his confidence. Nick swung open the door, sauntering in. Before he could turn the corner to see Mei, the boy passionately jumped out and pretended to play a passionate drum solo while singing the tan girl’s favorite song.

> _I overheard she was 19_
> 
> _She's got a fake ID and a nose ring_
> 
> _Those kind of girls tend to know things better than I do_
> 
> _And I'm dying to figure out what she's hiding_
> 
> _She's just playing it cool but she's lying, better than I do_

As Nick finished, he opened his eyes, fully expecting to see the girl of his dreams completely enraptured by his awesome performance. What he didn’t expect to see was some random old man at the counter, staring at the boy totally emotionless.

“Sir, this is a Wendy’s,” the man said flatly.

In that moment, Nick prayed that a bolt of lightning killed him. He felt his face heat up, probably tomato red from the level of embarrassment he felt.

“Oh, uhhhh is Mei here?” the boy asked sheepishly, toying with his hoodie’s drawstrings shyly.

The man sighed, “she’s taking a break in the back.” He gestured to his left.

“I’m just… Gonna go.. There.” Nick quickly power walked away from the man, wishing the world would swallow him whole. He even put his entire heart into that performance, and that man couldn’t even be polite and clap. When Nick made his way into the back room, he saw Mei laughing at the CCTV footage.

If a keyboard smash could be a noise, Nick just made it. “MEI WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”

The girl, doubled over from laughing, wiped a tear from her face. “Oh man! And I thought security duty was boring! You just made this break worth it.”

Nick, still burning up from the humiliation, turned away from Mei. Mei, smiling fondly at the boy, couldn’t help but notice how cute Nick looked when he was pouting.

“I put my all into that performance and you didn’t even see it,” Nick said as he sulked.

Nick was so expressive with his feelings that it was hard not to read his emotions. “Well… I did see it.. But that’s beside the point! That was really cute, by the way,” Mei said as he walked up behind the boy.

“You liked it?” Nick perked up.

“I loved it. Hey my shifts done, you wanna go grab some real ice cream?” Mei offered.

“Is that even a question? Race you to the car,” Nick said suddenly. The two bolted for the closed door, but paused, waiting for the other to open the door.

“Ladies first,” Nick gestured to the door, bowing sarcastically.

“No, no, I insist. Gentlemen first,” Mei said as she mimicked the butler bow.

“Okay, okay, we open at the same time.” Nick began the countdown, “One… two… and three!” The two slammed the door shut, preventing the other from opening it. The pair bursted out in a fit of laughter, completely unaware that the other would pull the same stunt. As Nick was trying to regain his composure, Mei playfully shoved Nick away from the door and ran out. Nick chased her to the car, but she had won. _That damn track star_. 

“I won,” the shorter girl beamed.

Nick laughed affectionately. “Ok, you pick the music.”

As they sat down at the booth to eat their midnight ice cream, Nick glanced over at Mei. With the warm outdoor lighting, she was jaw droppingly gorgeous. Her sleek and jet black hair tucked behind her ear, her rounded eyes wide with wonder as she stared out into the stars, her tan honey skin from constant sun exposure –-- she was stunning.

“Back there…” Nick started, mustering up all the courage he could, “I meant to ask you something.” Mei looked over at Nick, curious. Under his clothes, Nick was sweating from nervousness. “I uhh.. Will you be my guirlfrend?” Nick slapped a hand over his mouth, mortified. _How am I such an idiot?_ If George and Clay were there, he’d never hear the end of it.

Mei let out a lighthearted laugh, “you wanna try again?”

“Yeah..” Nick groaned as he tightened his hoodie around his head, trying to hide. He cleared his throat, quickly pulled off the hoodie wrapped around his head, and took a deep breath. “Meiwouldyouliketobemygirlfriend,” the boy spewed out nervously with eyes closed, afraid of what she would say.

The girl smiled brightly. “Ugh finally! Seriously, what’s taken you so long! I’ve been waiting since day one!” Nick opened his eyes with surprise. The girl smiled as she entangled their fingers together. Nick blushed at the affectionate gesture.

“Come on, I want to show you something.” Mei held Nick’s hand as she guided him to the park nearby. “I used to come here when I was younger, and I told myself during my first ‘heartbreak’ that I’d never come back here until I found someone that could show me what love meant. It was stupid, but I thought it would be cute later on” Mei crawled through a bush, motioning for Nick to follow. Nick complied as he crawled through the bush. 

Nick laughed at the image of a young Mei stubbornly telling herself that love didn't exist as he followed her. "Yeah, you were right, it is very cute."

“Come on, there’s an opening here,” she said as she pointed at a small patch of grass that made for a perfect stargazing spot.

She pointed at a log that was positioned next to the spot. “I etched ‘M’ in a heart the last time I ever came, and I’ve been waiting since then to add the other initial,” she smiled gently at Nick. Nick melted at how beautiful Mei looked under the stars.

The caramel haired boy glanced over at the log and noticed that there was more writing obscured by leaves. “Hey, what’s this?”

Mei cleared the leaves. “It looks like someone else found this spot too!” Under the leaves, an etched inscription of a C+G was carved under a smiley face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As this story is coming to a close, I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you all! I’ve made a twitter so that I can analyze these chapters and my process. If you’re interested in that type of thing, feel free to check it out! I also will be posting fanart there too so if you want to see my art you can follow me!
> 
> https://twitter.com/icycassy


	10. Yellow is the Color of Her Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter’s song: https://soundcloud.com/soccermommyofficial/yellow-is-the-color-of-her?in=icycas/sets/tion

Clay didn’t know what came over him in that moment, but the soft lips that were pushing against his own felt heavenly. The blonde boy brought his hand to caress George’s face, deepening the kiss. As they pulled away to get air, Clay looked at George’s face. The smaller boy looked stunned, but the deep pink blush dusting his cheeks and his ruby lips captivated Clay.

Clay contemplated what to say in the moment, wanting to be honest. “I… don’t regret that.” Clay said smiling softly. George was still staring back, face full of shock and surprise.

“I need to be honest with you too, George. That night you slept with that guy, I called you and you didn’t decline… hearing you with him… I was so angry. I had no idea why, but now I get it. I was jealous, but I chalked it up to confusion because I- I was an idiot. A part of me believed what my dad said back then, and I guess I wanted to prove him wrong. I let the people who hate me most get in the way of the people that love me the most, and that was really fucked up of me to do.”

The brunette self consciously rubbed at his arm. “The day we fought, I hated that feeling–what I mean is, I hated the thought that I might lose you. But that day, I felt something I’ve never felt in my entire life and I was scared. I thought about you… about us a lot, and I realized that I didn’t want to lose you, but I also wanted to be something more… if that makes sense,” George tried.

It was as if Clay had put on a different lens. Sitting in front of him was his best friend, but something had changed. It was his best friend and  _ something _ , and Clay didn’t mind that extra something. “Can we… try that again?” Clay asked, blushing.

George mirrored the blush as he brought a hand to the side of Clay’s neck before sliding it down to steady himself on his shoulder. He leaned forward slowly, looking at Clay’s lips before their mouths met. The kiss was sweet, but after a while, Clay tried slipping a tongue in and the mood turned passionate. The two, pushing against each other with fervor, began to push their bodies against each other. Their breathing became heavy as the pair were both desperately searching for more. 

Clay pulled away, swiping his thumb on George’s strawberry lips before dragging it down his bottom lip. “You wanna take this somewhere else?” George nodded, breathless.

* * *

The second Clay shut the door behind them, George pulled the taller boy into another kiss. The two were all over each other as they stumbled to Clay’s bedroom, hands trailing over each other’s bodies. When they got into the bedroom, Clay hastily threw off his shirt. The taller boy began to slowly strip George of his shirt while kissing along his torso before capturing his lips in another kiss. George was already burning up from the intensity and passion between them, and as he pulled away from the kiss, he glanced shyly at Clay’s crotch before undoing the button. He used another hand to slide it up to Clay’s toned torso, admiring the peaks and dips along his body. After he got the pants unzipped, George made a motion to undo his own, but Clay stopped him. The blonde boy gently nudged George onto the bed and crawled in between his legs to undo the zipper. George watched intensely as he propped himself up on his elbows. It was no wonder Clay was said to be good with the ladies; in that moment, George understood just how much sex appeal Clay actually possesed. Like a lion about to devour its prey, Clay kissed along George’s thighs while keeping eye contact through his hooded eyes that were filled with lust. George heated up from the intensity, feeling his dick twitch with interest. The older boy’s breathing was starting to grow heavy, and he could tell that Clay was starting to feel it too.

Just before Clay pulled off George’s boxers, he paused. “I’ve never…”

George reached over to the nightstand for the lube and condoms. “I know, don’t worry I can prep myself.” George pulled down his boxers as he coated his fingers. The smaller boy couldn’t help but be incredibly flustered that his best friend was staring at him nude so intensely. “It's just- uhhh it’s a little awkward,” George said self consciously, trying to hide himself.

“Sorry.. I can watch and then try?” Clay offered. The emerald eyed boy felt bad that he didn’t know what to do, but he knew that George would know how to maneuver around his own body better than Clay.

As George slipped a finger in his hole, he winced. It wasn’t very often he fingered himself, so he always had to spend extra time prepping. Clay noticed the flinch and decided to lean over the boy as he kissed along his neck and stroke the brunette’s cock slowly. Even in the darkness, Clay could see how scarlet the boy was turning; his shoulders and the apple of his cheeks were a saturated red and against his pale milky white skin, he looked like a painted statue.

“You look beautiful,” Clay whispered against George’s skin. The green eyed boy didn’t know that the boy could turn any more red, but it looks like he was proven wrong. George, now slipping in a second finger, began to feel less pain, and more pleasure. Clay’s hand working slowly at his length was causing the smaller boy to feel more needy. The taller boy pulled away from his neck to watch George come undone, licking his lips seductively at the sight. Although Clay wasn’t stroking his cock in any special way, the thought of it being  _ Clay _ who was giving him a handjob was enough to almost send George over the edge. It seemed like Clay noticed the effect he had on the brunette because Clay released his grasp on George’s member to lube up his fingers and tease at the British boy’s entrance. 

“Are you sure?” George asked, nervous. Clay nodded in response. The dark oak haired boy slipped out his fingers and Clay inserted two of his own, causing George to groan. Because Clay’s finger’s were thicker than his own lithe ones, the stretch was more than what George had prepared for.

“Sorry,” the green eyed boy winced with sympathy at George’s scrunched up face.

“No, it’s alright, you can move now.” Clay slipped his fingers out to the tip before slowly inserting them again. He kept a slow and steady pace, wanting George to feel as comfortable as possible before inserting the third finger.

_ It’s not much different than fingering a girl, right?  _ Clay thought to himself. The taller boy tried to angle his fingers to find George’s sweet spot as he was still slowly fucking his fingers. At a particular angle, the British boy arched his back and thrusted off the bed with instinct.

“Ahhh, right there Clay,” the smaller boy panted. Clay couldn’t deny that Geroge’s reaction had been one of the hottest sights he’s ever seen, and he couldn’t wait to see it again. Clay experimentally pressed harder this time, causing the pale boy to grip the bedsheets with pleasure. As expected, George was just as vocal and expressive in the bedroom as he was normally, and Clay couldn’t have been more excited at the realization.

“I’m ready,” George breathed out breathlessly. The American boy stared at the sight laid out before him. The creamy white and smooth skin contrasted by the dark chestnut hair and eyes made George look like a sculpture that could put Michelangelo’s works to shame.

George tried to cover his face with the blanket, self-conscious from the prolonged gaze. “Wha-what?”

Clay smiled like a dope. “You’re so fucking beautiful,” the boy with the sun kissed skin said. 

George just about rolled his eyes at the sappy boy. “You’re such an idiot,” the British boy smiled.

“I know.” Clay leaned over to kiss George before slowly lining up his cock to George’s hole. “You ready?”

George laughed in response. “Don’t be dramatic, just put it in.”

Clay smiled, “as you wish, princess.” The freckled boy slipped in the head, kissing at George’s linen white skin. Even though Clay used three fingers to prep him, the length pressing into him was far thicker than anything George was used to. George squirmed at the stretch as he grabbed Clay’s forearm in a vice grip. Clay, understanding, stopped about half way in to let the smaller boy adjust. After George got more comfortable with the stretch, he released his grip on his friend.

“I thought you said not to be dramatic,” Clay chuckled. 

“Shut up and put the rest in,” George snapped back lightheartedly.

The taller boy smiled as he leaned over to enshroud the brunette under him as he slipped the rest of his member in. Once he was fully enveloped, Clay began to shallowly fuck into the tight heat. George pulled the blanket further up to his face to attempt to muffle his moans and hide his face, but Clay carefully pulled the blanket aside to reveal the nervous boy.

Clay pecked George’s lips before pulling away just far enough to where their noses barely touched to look the boy in the eyes. “I want to see you.” George turned his head away to break eye contact, completely flustered. 

_ So fucking cute, _ Clay thought to himself. As he gained more confidence, the sea green eyed boy thrusted in deeper each time he rolled his hips in. It seemed that he was hitting George’s prostate each time he thrusted in, because the boy would whine and his brows would furrow with pleasure. Clay continued the movements, watching George become unraveled. The tightness wrapped around the blonde boy felt so good that his breathing became unsteady from his efforts to control himself so that he wouldn’t cum before George. Clay, reaching down to stroke the chocolate eyed boy’s cock, thrusted into him quicker. George threw his head back as he bit his lip to muffle the moans.

“Mmmhf, feels good, I’m so close Clay,” George moaned. Clay gripped the underside of George’s milky white thighs as he pressed it against the boy’s torso so that he could angle himself deeper. George reached for Clay’s face as he brought him down to take his lips in a fiery kiss, muffling both of their moans as they got close. The taller boy began to thrust in and stroke the boy’s cock faster, littering George in kisses under him. With one last thrust, George cried out as he came over their stomachs.

“Fuck George, so tight, gonna make me cum.”

“HaaaHhh, Clay!” George moaned out, arching off the bed. Clay was enthralled by how sexy George looked under him – sweaty, panting, and fucked out. The blonde boy became invigorated from the sight and thrusted in hard and deep one last time before spilling into the condom.

Still buried in the boy, Clay breathlessly slipped his tongue in George’s mouth as they kissed desperately. Once Clay pulled out, the bigger boy collapsed onto George, knocking the wind out of him.

“Get off!” George tried to push the boy, who was chuckling on top of him, to no avail. “You’re so fucking heavy, I can’t breathe!”

Clay didn’t budge. “Mhmmm, let’s cuddle.” Clay grabbed George before flipping them onto their sides, surprising George as the green eyed boy wrapped his strong arms around him. George melted into the hold, but stubbornly still tried to push away. Clay still wouldn’t budge, so he gave up trying and felt himself doze into sleep, feeling safe and content.

Just before George was fully asleep, Clay kissed the boy’s shoulder. “I’m not running away anymore, George. This is it. I need you in my life, and I don’t want to hurt you or anyone else I love anymore.”

George hummed, sleepy. “Let’s do this right.”


	11. Dance with Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter’s song: https://soundcloud.com/valynt1na/beabadoobee-dance-with-me?in=icycas/sets/tion

When George and Clay decided to officially start dating, they knew they would need to tell their friends. Although they knew that all of them would be accepting, admitting their relationship was still a little difficult for the two boys. It wasn’t that they didn’t enjoy being a couple, but they felt a little awkward putting a label on their relationship, mostly because they were still the same people and still treated each other the same. They were still and always going to be best friends, so they didn’t want other people to think of them any differently.

When the pair sat Nick, Mei, and Bad down to tell them the news, the whole group was overwhelmingly supportive and excited for the two of them. George remembered how Nick fist bumped them as Mei beamed and said something about how she ‘knew they were acting different the past couple weeks.’ Bad had wiped a tear from his eyes saying how they all grew up so fast, which caused Nick to point out that Bad wasn’t even that much older than them. The response was overall great, and the new couple couldn’t have wished for better friends. 

Although the pair originally didn’t want to make it that big of a deal, they did agree to have a sort of celebration after the announcement. The celebration was more for honoring the group’s friendship and the band’s success, but it was also an opportunity for George and Clay to get more accustomed to being open with showing their relationship. 

The party they planned was just between the friends, and it was more of a hangout if anything, but the friends hadn’t had time to just relax together in such a long time that it deserved its own day of celebration. 

The party was full of smiles, laughs, and hugs. It was the happiest the group had been a while, and the energy in the air was invigorating and infectious. Clay smiled fondly at Mei and Nick busting out their hottest moves on the makeshift dance floor, and by “hottest moves,” Clay really just meant throwing their bodies all over the place, battling between who could look the most stupid. Bad, returning from the snack bar, ran over to the pair dancing as he joined them, and to Clay’s disbelief, somehow looked _more stupid_ than the couple dancing. Yep, Bad was most definitely drunk already.

“Come on, guys, let’s dance! Unless you’re a chicken!” Bad mocked as he imitated a chicken. Mei and Nick laughed as they joined in, clucking at George and Clay.

George rolled his eyes, “you all looks stupid there’s no way I’m goi-” Before George could finish his sentence, Clay grabbed the stubborn boy and pushed him into the dance floor with them. 

“Come on let’s get funky~” Clay teased as he joined in their stupid dance. 

George tried hiding the smile that was threatening to slip from how dumb the whole situation was, but after Bad started doing the robot, George lost it and joined in. “You guys are idiots. Also Bad, how old are you?? The robot? Seriously? I don’t even think our _parents_ did that as kids!”

Bad only laughed off the insult. “You’re just jealous that I look so funky fresh and you don’t!”

The other three laughed. “Are you just gonna take that, George? Show him what you’ve got!” Nick yelled, cheering on as if there was about to be an epic dance battle between the two. George was absolutely not going to take that kind of slander. He cleared his throat and prepared for the awesome moves that were soon to follow suit, then the shorter boy pretended to wind up a lasso and pull Clay in. Clay, immediately understanding what was happening, pretended to be lassoed into George, jumping closer to the boy. The other three cheered, pumping their fists in the air. 

“This is so stupid!” George giggled, almost crying from how hard he was laughing.

As the day was beginning to wind down, the five surrounded themselves around the dim fireplace to tell all kinds of stories. “And then, the fan just lifted up her shirt! Like full tiddies on display!” Nick explained, causing the entire group to burst out in a fit of laughter.

“Speaking of fans… How are we gonna tell them about this,” George groaned as he motioned to Clay and himself.

Nick thought for a second. “You know what, don’t tell them. Who cares, anyways? If you don’t wanna share that, why do you have to? Your life is still your own and you don’t need to share it with the world!” Mei nodded in agreement. 

“Nick, you can’t expect them to _never_ find out. Let’s be real here, these two are gonna slip up one day and every tabloid will be exploiting their names. It would be better to just be forward to stop any rumors before they start.”

“Guys! Let’s not talk business right now, we’re here to have fun remember?” Clay said as he grabbed them each a beer. Each of them accepted the drink and agreed to put the PR talk aside for one night. 

Mei jumped up excitedly, grabbing Nick. “Beer pong time!” she shouted, eagerly, while setting up the red solo cups. George, Clay, and Nick cheered on as they joined the pair at the table, whereas Bad groaned as he shook his head. He was just sobering up too. 

After the party ended and all the guests left, George walked up to Clay who was sitting on his backyard porch, looking down at his phone which was switched off.

“What are you thinking about?” George asked as he joined the taller boy.

“I think I’m finally ready to talk to them,” Clay said, still looking at his phone.

“Are you sure? It’s been a long time…”

“I need to. I need closure. I feel like everything right now is going so well, but this- this has been haunting me for years. My dad’s words were the reason that I had tossed away my own thoughts and feelings. You were right back then about needing to hear out what they have to say.”

“I’ll be here for you,” George said as he reached over to take Clay’s hand.

Clay kissed the pale boy’s knuckles, smiling. “I know.”

George blushed at the sudden show of affection. They were still in their early stages of dating, so intimate displays of affection could easily fluster the two. The boy shook off the sheepishness before getting up and making his way to the speaker to turn it off, until Clay came up behind the brunette and hugged him. Whatever embarrassment he had tried to shake off before just came crashing back in.

“Can I have this dance?” Clay asked as he pecked George’s cheek from behind.

George laughed lightly. “You know I can’t dance.”

“You know I can’t either,” Clay smiled. “Here, just follow me,” the blonde boy said as he gently placed his hand on George’s waist and brought the other to guide George’s head onto his shoulder, playing with his hair. Although George was tense from the awkwardness at first, he quickly eased into the hold. The feeling of Clay holding him in his arms helped George feel secure, and he started to sway to the song playing.

> _If you wanna dance then_
> 
> _Dance with me_
> 
> _It's pretty fast but_
> 
> _This is what you do at parties, right_

The two danced in comfortable silence, swaying slowly. Clay kissed the top of George’s head. “Back then, when you told me I could change the meaning of anything I write, and that meanings are always changing, you know how much you surprised me back there?”

George laughed as he rested his cheek on Clay’s shoulder. “Why? Because you didn’t think I could say something so profound?”

“No, because after you said that, I couldn’t think of any of our lyrics without thinking about you.” Clay let out a sigh as he remembered the memory. “I’m not a positive person, and I still get hung up on a lot of things, but I’m really grateful I met you when I did. I’m a dick sometimes, and I’m glad I have you and Nick to call me out on my shit.”

George looked up at Clay. “This whole band thing, I started because I saw how passionate you were about it. Even though I couldn’t see it from the beginning, I’ve always been chasing after you. When you would get upset, and I think I can speak for Nick when I say this too, I never once wanted to give up on you. Even if we never got in a relationship, I would have always loved you Clay.”

Clay looked down at the pale boy and couldn’t have felt more grateful for his life. The taller boy didn’t believe in much – not miracles, spirits, fate – but he knew that he believed in this. He believed in the beautiful boy holding onto him lovingly as he swayed to the song while a light breeze ruffled his hair. 

> _And I know it's hard to tell_
> 
> _But I think I really like you_

The two danced in a comfortable silence for the rest of the song. It was as if the world had stilled for them as their bodies intertwined, fitting like a perfect puzzle piece. Clay smiled as he recalled their happiest moments, and remembered their first concert. The peridot eyed boy could never forget the first time his friend took his breath away.

> _Just take it slow_
> 
> _And move your feet to the beat_
> 
> _'Cause if we dance then_
> 
> _You don't have to speak_
> 
> _And I know it's hard to tell_
> 
> _But I think I really like you_

The lights from the stage were blinding as they hit through the cracks of the wood and made it backstage, illuminating the five friends as they huddled in a circle. Small particles of dust floating in the air radiated, making the backstage look like a kaleidoscope of snow.

Clay looked at his friends around him, until his eyes landed on George. The chestnut eyed boy was glimmering under the warm light, eyes crinkling as he laughed. Clay couldn’t tear his eyes away from the sight. Like the vanilla bean candle always burning in his living room, like the sunshine that poured through his window onto guitar, George was the warmth in his life. George was home.

As Nick let out a cheer, Clay snapped out of his thoughts and saw all his friends waiting for him, the leader, to say something. The taller boy’s chest swelled with pride at his friends, and he gleamed as he took a deep breath to prepare to give out the best inspirational speech he would ever give.

“First concert, how are we feeling?” The friends all cheered gleefully. “We’ve earned this! We’ve worked our ass off for years for this right here! Forget everything else tonight, forget everyone else tonight, tonight is all us. Tonight, only we exist! So let’s hear it! On three, we’re gonna let the whole world know who we are! One, two, THREE!”

“THE DREAM TEAM!” the group yelled, full of excitement, pumping their fists in the air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thank you to everyone who read this fic and congratulations on making it through! On my twitter, I have a thread for my author’s note and an FAQ section for anyone who has questions about the process of writing the fic or anything about it in general! The author’s note is for me to document my thoughts as I was writing and also for some explanations. There are some scenes that I didn’t expand on because I would rather the readers imagine it, but if anyone is curious for what I was thinking, you can ask me!
> 
> If you don’t have a twitter, feel free to ask me in the comments as well, and I’ll answer. I’d love to hear any thoughts you guys have! Once again, thank you all for supporting me on my first plot heavy story!  
> https://twitter.com/icycassy/status/1291903669441445889
> 
> I tried inserting fanart I made of Sapnap and Mei but ao3 is being really dumb, so it can also be found on my twt!

**Author's Note:**

> Every chapter will have either a song that is directly referenced in the work or one that I felt fit the mood of the chapter. I'll always link the song, but I've also created a playlist. I'll be uploading songs on there in order of the chapters. If you track the playlist, you might be able to guess what kind of mood the next chapter is gonna be before I even post it!
> 
> Playlist: https://soundcloud.com/icycas/sets/tion


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